We don’t need the weather forecasters to tell us that we are in the grips of a debilitating cold snap, the frost on our cars and icicles on our noses tell us that. Naturally, is a country that can experience all four seasons in one day, the snow has brought the nation to a standstill. Various experts are being pulled from the cobwebs they reside in 11 months of the year to tell us winter is here, we must keep warm, only drive if you have to etc etc
Last years snow was pretty epic granted, and the speed it fell, and the length of time it hung around, took us all by surprise but we are meant to be one of the top countries in the world and the fact that some bad weather (hello, its winter!) brings the country to its knees it totally and utterly preposterous. Scandinavian kids go to school on skis, our schools close and the teachers get even more time off.
It isn’t just the cold temperatures that are making us all miserable at the moment either, it is that other kind of cold that starts with a sniffle and quickly gathers momentum until we are lying like dying ducks surrounded by every cold remedy going and a pile of snotty tissues. Well, the men are anyway. Yes my friends, it is that time of year, when we welcome back Man Flu.
Women everywhere live in fear of their men uttering the immortal words ‘think I’m coming down with something’. Now while we sympathise with someone who isn’t well, it’s hard to feel sorry for a 16st giant who is lying in bed, mumbling incoherently, unable to lift their head as ‘everything hurts’ but can muster enough strength to bang on the ceiling to summon you with enough force to make your fillings rattle.
Man Flu is a phenomenon that no woman will ever understand. It is crippling, devastating and brings the sufferer untold misery that only another man will understand. Women, however, only suffer from little colds, and are still perfectly capable of working, cleaning, looking after the kids, doing the cooking, the laundry and looking after their man in his hour, well week, of need.
They cant taste or smell anything, but you can bet your bottom dollar whatever you take them up to eat they won’t fancy. You can’t taste anything remember, so get it down you! Even those who have had their flu jab can catch man flu apparently, and this mystery of medical science still has neither a prevention or a cure. There’s a pretty good reason for this; man flu doesn’t exist outside of the pathetic specimen who has taken to his bed with a sniffle.
Men are little kids who never grow up, fact; men yearn for the days when their mums ran around after them and tucked them up in bed with a hot water bottle and teddy Edward, fact. By going down with a bad case of Man Flu they are reliving those days, and we pander to it. Women of the world, we are the only ones that can put an end to Man Flu, and telling your pathetic man to get up and grow up is the first step!
