The news that a celebrity has had a baby makes us all go ahhhhh, and then we find out its name and that changes to eurgh, or hmmmmm. The simple fact is that when it comes to a celeb naming their baby, it just emphasizes how much out of touch with reality they are. If we in the real world give our kids an outlandish name, they stick out like a sore thumb at school and become the centre of attention whether they want to be or not.
In the world of celeb however, it is more likely to be the other way around, and if they have a nice normal name, they are likely to be stand out a mile. Plus, they can’t join in the jolly japes at their posh kindergarten when Genesis, White and Lemon are arguing about who has the stupidest name.
Now most of you are probably trying to think of a star with a child with a normal name to blow the theory of this article right out of the water, and it’s harder than you think isn’t it? Admittedly, some of the more unusual names are inoffensive; Suri for example, or Harper, you can even let Shiloh slip through, but what goes though these peoples heads when they turn colours, fruit and vegetables and numbers into names?
Inflicting a name like Blue on a baby is giving a negative vibe to start with, how can Blue be happy? Oh look, Blue is laughing, what’s that all about for Pete’s sake? Do they ever put these names into context and consider the consequences in later life? One of the most famous faux pas as far as names are concerned is when a certain US couple named Mr & Mrs Pipe named their son Dwayne, and when he was of age he sued them for cruelty.
Celebrities giving their kids daft names is nothing new either; Frank Zappa famously called his kids Dweezil, Moon Unit, Diva Muffin and Ahmed Emuukha, David Bowie had a Zowie, and Woody Allen and Mia Farrow obviously had a thing about schoolbags when they named their kid Satchel.
These outlandish choices of monickers make the likes of Fifi, Peaches, Pixie, Brooklyn, Scout and Bluebell seem almost run of the mill. If we named a child something like Strawberry Ermentrude Melonhead the congregation at the Christening would be trying to stifle their laughs, it the parallel universe known as celebrity they would be applauding their imagination and creativity.
At the end of the day, unless these kids have the good sense to change their names by deed pool, little Zowie Bowie renamed himself Joe, they are stuck with these names for a lifetime. While their parents may want to delight in saying ‘would you like an apple Apple?’ the joke runs thin after a while and while they may think that it will make their kids as famous as themselves, surely that is the kids’ decision to make not theirs….
